Our Story When Boy Meets Girl

Our Story (work in progress)
9/16/2008

I’m going to start this off by telling you my side of the story. Like I don’t know much about what you thought about our beginning but I’m going to start at the very beginning.

So somehow on that day God managed to get me to look at your picture on the “Are You Interested Application.” Sounds like a stupid place to meet a girl but hey I’m glad I did. So of course, me being the person I am, I didn’t click anonymous or anything but after I clicked yes I went to your profile and read it. After I was done reading it was good enough that it had somehow captured me. I decided to take a chance and decided to add you as a friend.

From there, I’m pretty sure you send me a message like “Who are you?” or something like that. Or possibly messages on the application. Either way we started talking. And that’s where it truly began: Our story. Firstly let me explain something. Tara you captured me with your words. You didn’t talk like most people your age would. You didn’t sugar coat things and you were just naturally outgoing with a hint of mysterious. Haha. I don’t know if that makes any sense but it’s very true. Well to me.

Now I don’t know what you said to me, or what we talked about exactly but I do know that you started coming into my head more. Just our conversations. Even though I was pursuing other relationships and other people you were kinda always in the background. So doors were shut on certain people. Things happened that pulled other relationships apart. I took the ended relationships kinda hard. I did drugs more than ever, I was constantly depressed, Family problems escalated, and I was seriously considering ending my life. But God had placed one more open door into my life. A wild card, like a door that you couldn’t see the room inside. You didn’t know what you were going to get yourself into. But inside there was one person who I really had an interest in. Just one… Little did I know how it would affect my life.

After the point in which I knew that I wanted to pursue a relationship, I didn’t quite know how to say that I wanted one. I struggled with the thought for weeks. I remember some crying and long all night prayer sessions asking god “how am I supposed to deal with these feelings,” and “how am I supposed to let her know.” I didn’t know how I was going to do it but I realized that I was going to have to let you know eventually. I started wanting to talk to you more. Like on a deeper level to get to know you more. Like the real you. I don’t know what I said, I don’t know what I did but I’m guessing you started to like me. Correct me if I’m wrong. To tell you the truth I don’t even know how I told you I liked you. I just kinda let things take course and God let it happen.

I told God, not asked to make this a relationship worth having. I didn’t want to get hurt yet another time. I wanted us to work out. I wanted God to make it clear that this was his will and something he wanted. In the past I had so many stupid, crazy and hard relationships, most of them ending in heartbreak. So many times I have been faithful but got cheated on. So many times I put my all into a relationship but it still wasn’t enough. So many times I tried to make God the foundation, but the other person wasn’t feeling it. So many times I cleared my schedule, but they were to busy. I don’t know what it is about those things but it’s like putting your heart in a blender. It just hurts. I don’t know if I could explain it better than that.

I went along with his plan not knowing what to expect. Now is the point where I can kinda continue with the story. I know I’m a bad side tracker. Tara we started talking… Well I started talking about everything. I put my trust in you very fast. This is not like me because I have had connection problems since I was a kid. It wasn’t ever easy for me to make friends and talk to people. So as I started just being open I think that you did too. I think that you started talking to me about things you really didn’t talk to others about. So of course we grew closer together. Like so many people who like each other do. You were constantly starting to be on my mind. I stopped doing bad things that I was doing. I stopped making the choices that would leave me more broken in the long run. I wanted to be on the same path you were working towards commitment, and future, and whatever else. And I knew the only way to be on the same path you were was to walk by your side and make the good decisions. Before I told you that I liked you is about the time that I stopped doing drugs. I stopped needing them to take problems away (even if it was only a couple hours.) I stopped looking for other girls. I stopped fighting with my dad. I made some very had choices in my life. I told my dad that I was here when he wanted a son. And he left me alone. I told my friends that I wasn’t going to stop them from doing drugs, but I said they would do it alone. So they stopped too. Everything just had a domino effect. Everything snowballed from what I was doing. Life just seemed to get better. Simple as that. And I think it’s cause I had you. I had you to get up to, to talk to, to confide in, to be there for. I don’t know if you knew any of that but I thought you should.

So when do you know that you found love? People have been struggling with that question forever. People from Gods time to our time. People struggle with it everyday. Its like a question that really can’t be answered to humans. Try as we might. I have my own theory of what it is. I’ll try my best to describe it.

Love – Love is it something that can be described by words? Or is it something that has to be defined by actions? Love is something that is very fragile even to the strongest of relationships. Love is caring unconditionally. Unconditionally meaning that you love just to love. Not because you have to. Not cause you were forced. Not cause that is what you were taught. Its what you want. It means that you would do anything for a person. I think love is that feeling in your heart when you just want to be with someone regardless of what you are doing just because you’d be together. I think love is that fluttering feeling you get when you say I love you to someone. I think love is shown through actions. Not just by saying it. Even if it would be little actions.

I didn’t think I knew what love was until I said I loved you. You took my heart at such a alarming rate and everything seemed alright. I really do love you Tara. You mean the world to me. I would trade the entire world for you and I. I have never felt feelings like this. I have never cared for any 1 person so much. Except for you. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m sure of it. I want to make it to the day that I can get on my knee, pull out a black box and ask you to marry me. I can’t wait till the day that we can walk down that isle with friends and family watching us take that life long commitment. I can’t wait till we are in that emergency room watching a new life unfold. I can’t wait for those countless days that we’ll spend together. I know that you are the one I want to be with. I have never changed so much for any person. And I honestly think that every change I ever made since meeting you was for the better.

Tara, I have made so many mistakes in my life. But you aren’t one. You are the best thing that has ever come into my life and I never want you to leave it. I never want us to grow apart. I only want our hearts to grow closer together. Just know that I love you. I love you so much. Remember what I said about love. Like that its like giving you my everything. My heart, my mind, body, everything. Love to me isn’t something to mess with or to play with. Cause it hurts when things go wrong. So I’m going to leave you with a question: Will you spend the rest of your life with me?

I swear that question isn’t me asking you to marry me. But I know that I want you in my life till I go to meet God. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Honestly.

Faithfully and Eternally yours,

Jay

~ by skater1191 on September 16, 2008.